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The Pool

So if you’ve been in my inner circle in the past four days (but feels like a lifetime), you’ll know that the most recent event in my life is that I got “ghosted.”

First of all, the fact that “ghosting” is a word in pop culture today makes me want to punch someone in the face. The fact that the action exists makes me even more mad.

Second of all, if you ghost someone, I hate you. There, I said it. It does not make things “any easier” by just shutting them out of your life completely seemingly out of nowhere. It’s one thing to drift away and talk to them less and let the person see it coming. But being blindsided is a pain I cannot explain.

Maybe I’m overreacting (I’m probably overreacting) to the whole situation. I want to describe it all to you. I really do. But honestly, it’s a waste of my time and energy and a waste of yours to read it.

If you are still not entirely sure what ghosting is, see the image below (thanks Google images).

ghosting-dating-breakup.png

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Well 2015, Here’s to You.

WITH 2015 COMING TO AN END. . . 

2015: In The Beginning 
Where did you go on New Years: I was at a friends house.
Did you kiss anyone on new years I don’t think so
Did you make any resolutions? Yup, every year

2015: All about YOU 
Did you change at all this year? Definitely, and in my opinion, for the best.
Did you dye your hair? I did and I love it.
Did you get your hair cut? Yes
Did you change your style? Not really
Were you in school? Yep
Did you get good grades? Yep. Best year yet.
Did you have a job? I did, I worke 2 jobs on campus and I work one now.
Did you drive? Yes
Did anyone close to you give birth? I don’t remember, is that bad?
Did you move at all? I did in May.
Did you go on any vacations? Yes, I got to see the Philippines for the first time and I went to a conference on my own.
Did you leave the country at all? Yes

2015: Your Love Life 
Did you break up with anyone? No
Did you meet anyone special? Yes, many special people..
Did you fall in love? Just with myself.

2015: Friends and Enemies 
Did you meet any new friends this year? Yes and I love them
Did any of your friendships end?: Unfortunately yes
Did you dislike anyone?: Yes
Did you make any new enemies? I hope not.
Did you resolve any fights? Yes, many.
Who was your closest friend? The girls & Ryan and Jordan.
Did you grow apart from anyone? Yes
Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? No, I didn’t

In 2015 I… 
[x] broke a promise
[x] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] kissed in the rain (I kissed in the snow though)
[x] slept under the stars
[x] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed your life
[x] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[x] left the country
[ ] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[x] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[x] had someone close to you die
[x] had a high cell phone bill
[x] spent most of your money on food
[ ] had a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach with your friend
[ ] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] kissed in the snow
[x] celebrated Halloween/Samhain
[] broke someone else’s heart
[ ] had a stalker
[ ] mooned someone
[ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone
[ ] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation
[ ] came out of the closet
[ ] had an abortion
[x] done something you’ve regretted
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[] painted a picture
[x] wrote a poem
[x] ran a mile
[ ] posted a blog on MySpace
[x] listened to music you couldn’t stand
[x] went to a sleepover
[x] laughed till you cried
[ ] laughed till you peed in your pants
[x] visited a foreign country
[x] cut in a line of waiting people
[x] told someone you were busy when you weren’t
[ x] partied to celebrate the new year

1. Have you had any relationships this year?
A couple flings, but nothing serious.

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yes! And another one next month.

3. Kissed two or more people in the same night?
Yes

4. Been on a diet?
Not really

6. Drank Starbucks?
Far too much.

8. Bought something(s)?
Yes

9. Met someone special who changed your life?
Not one who changed my life but a lot of special people.

10. Been out of the province?
Yep

What are you thinking about?
Everything I shouldn’t

Would you get married if you could right now?
No

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Groggy

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Too good

Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
I already am.

If you could change your eye color would you?
No, I would not.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Yes

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Long

Are you over the age of 25?
Not yet

How do you currently make your money?
Work

Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
Probably Ryan

Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours?
No

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
yep

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Just me.

When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
It’s been a while.

Who took your profile picture?
Someone else did at a Christmas party

Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
wow this got dark fast.

What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
All my clothes

Do you trust people too easily?
No

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Yes

Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you?
Yep

Last thing you ate?
I don’t remember

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
I am in bed

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Nope

Is there a boy or girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Yep

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
I just woke up like half an hour ago.

Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching?
Not really.

Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
Ever in my life? Yes

Do you like to run?
No

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
Sometimes

Do you get snow where you live?
Usually, but it’s a green Christmas this year

This year have you ever been heartbroken?
Yes

Do you think 2016 will be better?
2015 was actually a fantastic year. If 2016 is better, bring it.

The ABCs of Life. Currently.

Remember Facebook notes? Everyone used to do them, including myself. Well Facebook memories has reminded me that:

  1. They existed.
  2. They were sort of fun and kind of too personal but we did them anyways.

Since I have not blogged in a while because the words have not been able to come out lately, I thought I would take a stab at completing a Facebook note except written by 22-year old me rather than 16-year-old me.

Here we go.

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22. Now What?

Taylor-Swift-22-GIF

In honour of my best friend’s 22nd birthday, it got me thinking about 22 and what the age brings and has brought to me thus far.

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New Blog!

While I will keep this blog for the more serious things in my life, I have created a blog (purely for my own entertainment) called A Date in the Life which will feature posts about my life (both real and imagined events) as a single female in the dating world.

If this is something that interests you, please follow me and check out my blog: https://adateinmylife.wordpress.com/ 

 

How to Satisfy Every Aspect of Your Overanxious Life

You can’t.

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A Letter to 2014 Me

With 2015 literally two sleeps away, and knowing I will be wine girl wasted tomorrow night, I thought I would take this time to write a letter to myself reflecting on the past year.

funny-picture-new-year-better-person

 

Dear 2014 Me,

Well, what a year. You started off the year with your great friends Ryan and Susannah and will be ending the year with them as well. Seems appropriate. At least this year, you can drink. Although you couldn’t last year (but did anyways), I’m glad you will be choosing wine as your beverage of choice to ring in 2015.

Can I just say I am so proud of you? You have grown so much in the past year. Maybe not physically, (damn 5 foot 3 forever) but as a person, I have seen you become such a strong person inside and out.

You got off your medication for panic disorder. Although you hate how it destroyed your metabolism, it reinforced those neural connections and since being off them, you can count on one hand how many big panic attacks you have had. You have learned to control your emotions and feelings of losing control. And after the year you’ve had, that is impressive.

You gained weight. Happens to everyone. You cried about it. Many times. But you know what? You did something about it. You got a personal trainer. That takes courage to stand up and say “I need to make this change for me.” You lost more than 15 pounds. And even more so, you’ve maintained it. That doesn’t happen to everyone and the confidence is radiating off of you. Keep up the good work in 2015.

You got a car. And your license! I am so proud of you for standing up to your dad and telling him what you wanted. You acted maturely and gracefully, and look! He gave in and made sure you got your first car. You got your license the day you booked your test. You worked so hard in practicing and yet another time that hard work has paid off. You got your insurance and your plates in the same day. You learned to drive on the highway and not be scared. You monogrammed your car (essential). This may seem like a childish accomplishment (as many people achieve this at 16/17) but things worked out in your favour with this stepping stone in place. Because after this, you needed that car. You needed your license. With this, you were able to  come home more frequently as your dad got sick and needed you around more. And seeing him happy to see you every time made all the gas money spent worth it. You were able to be at the hospital with him, or be with your mom when she needed rides or moral support. You could use it to commute back and forth without having to rely on the ever-changing bus system. In 2015, I hope you use your car to take your mom to all the places she’s always wanted to go like Niagara Falls, or to visit family in Quebec.

You went through so much in such a short amount of time. Losing your dad was the hardest thing you have faced yet. It was something you always knew you would have to deal with, but no one knew it would happen so soon. Remember, everything happens for a reason. There is a reason you were meant to be in Brantford on November 19th. I hope you look back and be happy you were there to hold his hand and say goodbye in his last hour. I hope you laugh about the fact that he didn’t want anything like a funeral or a visitation (just like he never wanted to celebrate his birthday) but you threw a celebration of life together anyways because you wanted to honour his memory. I hope you think about the all the people who came despite the weather, or sent cards or messages in any way. Know that he loved you with all his heart, and even though he won’t be there to call every day, you will always hold his memory in your heart.

Within the same time period, a two and a half year relationship ended. You witnessed someone change before your eyes. You felt a lot of feelings. You also didn’t feel some feelings. And you know what? That’s okay. People change. Feelings change. Sometimes the person you think you’re going to be with forever doesn’t turn out to be that person. Only time will tell what the future truly holds for you two, if it holds anything at all.

November was the hardest for you. I think you will always look back on that part of your life and will forever be proud of yourself for how you handled yourself. You lost your dad, had a relationship end, and still maintained work and school all at the same time. I don’t even know how you did it, but you did it. I know you are still fighting the emotions that come with the aftermath, but know that you have the strength and support system to make it through.

Well, 2014 me, I should wrap this up soon. You need your beauty rest if you want to be functional tomorrow night. But let’s recap a few things:
You learned a lot this year.
You became a university senior.
You joined a sorority and found the true meaning of sisterhood. Hold onto these girls.
You found out who your true friends were.
And who they weren’t.
You cried.
You laughed.
You made so many memories.

I look forward to seeing who we become in 2015 and what crazy shit we’ll do being 22. Cheers to a great year, and cheers to another.

Love always,

Michelle

I’m never going back, the past is in the past.

let_it_go_gif_1_by_royal_tarts-d71dod1

As much as we hate to admit it sometimes, our exes were once a huge part of our lives. Looking back at my past, as much as there were some bad times, there were good times and often, that can be hard to remember.

As I sit here at home, I think about how there are so many things I wish I could tell them… you know, without it being weird or what not. I want to name names in this post, but I shouldn’t. If –and only if– they are reading this (doubtfully so), they may be able to figure it out. Otherwise, I’ll leave it open to interpretation.

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Embracing Authenticity

"Don't be ashamed of your story it will inspire others!"

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“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” — Maya Angelou

Lonely Blue Boy

The Boy Who Cries Wolf

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Feel the fear and do it anyway...