I struggle with body image. If you’ve read past blogs, this is no surprise. Call it a side effect of my anxiety medication. Call it lifestyle changes. Call it whatever you want. But every day when I look in the mirror, a part of me is uncomfortable with the reflection I see.
I have come a long way in the last few years. I have become more secure in my own skin. I feel more comfortable when I look in the mirror than I did two years ago.
I heard his voice today. In my head. It’s been so long I have almost forgotten what it sounds like.
It happened at church. The priest was reading the gospel and I closed my eyes, just for a moment, and I could hear him tell me one of the many jokes I had heard time and time again before.
I haven’t been to talk therapy for my Panic Disorder since I graduated from university in June.
It’s now January of 2016. And today, I went to see a counsellor.
So if you’ve been in my inner circle in the past four days (but feels like a lifetime), you’ll know that the most recent event in my life is that I got “ghosted.”
First of all, the fact that “ghosting” is a word in pop culture today makes me want to punch someone in the face. The fact that the action exists makes me even more mad.
Second of all, if you ghost someone, I hate you. There, I said it. It does not make things “any easier” by just shutting them out of your life completely seemingly out of nowhere. It’s one thing to drift away and talk to them less and let the person see it coming. But being blindsided is a pain I cannot explain.
Maybe I’m overreacting (I’m probably overreacting) to the whole situation. I want to describe it all to you. I really do. But honestly, it’s a waste of my time and energy and a waste of yours to read it.
If you are still not entirely sure what ghosting is, see the image below (thanks Google images).
Things often don’t go according to plan. So if you catch yourself planning, stop. Just stop.
WITH 2015 COMING TO AN END. . .
2015: In The Beginning
Where did you go on New Years: I was at a friends house.
Did you kiss anyone on new years I don’t think so
Did you make any resolutions? Yup, every year
2015: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year? Definitely, and in my opinion, for the best.
Did you dye your hair? I did and I love it.
Did you get your hair cut? Yes
Did you change your style? Not really
Were you in school? Yep
Did you get good grades? Yep. Best year yet.
Did you have a job? I did, I worke 2 jobs on campus and I work one now.
Did you drive? Yes
Did anyone close to you give birth? I don’t remember, is that bad?
Did you move at all? I did in May.
Did you go on any vacations? Yes, I got to see the Philippines for the first time and I went to a conference on my own.
Did you leave the country at all? Yes
2015: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone? No
Did you meet anyone special? Yes, many special people..
Did you fall in love? Just with myself.
2015: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year? Yes and I love them
Did any of your friendships end?: Unfortunately yes
Did you dislike anyone?: Yes
Did you make any new enemies? I hope not.
Did you resolve any fights? Yes, many.
Who was your closest friend? The girls & Ryan and Jordan.
Did you grow apart from anyone? Yes
Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? No, I didn’t
In 2015 I…
[x] broke a promise
[x] fallen out of love
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] kissed in the rain (I kissed in the snow though)
[x] slept under the stars
[x] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed your life
[x] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[x] left the country
[ ] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[x] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[x] had someone close to you die
[x] had a high cell phone bill
[x] spent most of your money on food
[ ] had a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach with your friend
[ ] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] kissed in the snow
[x] celebrated Halloween/Samhain
 broke someone else’s heart
[ ] had a stalker
[ ] mooned someone
[ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone
[ ] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation
[ ] came out of the closet
[ ] had an abortion
[x] done something you’ve regretted
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
 painted a picture
[x] wrote a poem
[x] ran a mile
[ ] posted a blog on MySpace
[x] listened to music you couldn’t stand
[x] went to a sleepover
[x] laughed till you cried
[ ] laughed till you peed in your pants
[x] visited a foreign country
[x] cut in a line of waiting people
[x] told someone you were busy when you weren’t
[ x] partied to celebrate the new year
1. Have you had any relationships this year?
A couple flings, but nothing serious.
2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yes! And another one next month.
3. Kissed two or more people in the same night?
4. Been on a diet?
6. Drank Starbucks?
Far too much.
8. Bought something(s)?
9. Met someone special who changed your life?
Not one who changed my life but a lot of special people.
10. Been out of the province?
What are you thinking about?
Everything I shouldn’t
Would you get married if you could right now?
How did you feel when you woke up today?
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
I already am.
If you could change your eye color would you?
No, I would not.
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Are you over the age of 25?
How do you currently make your money?
Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
Have you kissed anyone in the last 4 hours?
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
It’s been a while.
Who took your profile picture?
Someone else did at a Christmas party
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
wow this got dark fast.
What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
All my clothes
Do you trust people too easily?
Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Have you ever liked someone a lot older than you?
Last thing you ate?
I don’t remember
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
I am in bed
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Is there a boy or girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
I just woke up like half an hour ago.
Do you make every decision as if your parents are watching?
Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
Ever in my life? Yes
Do you like to run?
Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree?
Do you get snow where you live?
Usually, but it’s a green Christmas this year
This year have you ever been heartbroken?
Do you think 2016 will be better?
2015 was actually a fantastic year. If 2016 is better, bring it.