Finding Myself in Mr. Wrong
Grown-up dating sucks. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
It isn’t like when we liked someone we used to sit beside in one of our classes when the magic would just happen and then abra cadabra you were dating. This is total “meet a random guy, maybe go on a date or two, and see how it goes.”
However, in the few grown-up dates I have been on, I will say they taught me more about myself than I expected. Here is a list of things I learned from guys I have gone on dates with:
- If a checklist pops in your head the minute he starts talking about himself, he’s probably not Mr. Right. This one guy I went on a date with was doing that thing guys do when they’re trying to make their lives seem more interesting than it is. Okay, girls do it too but sometimes it’s painful to sit through guys try to stretch “I like to do nothing but watch Netflix when I don’t have class” into “I am interested in the media like televisions, film, and the arts in general really.” He loved animals [check]. Has a good relationship with his mother [check]. Comes from a farming background [bonus check]. But at the end of the day, I didn’t feel sparks or magic. And thinking about a checklist every time he spoke just felt so unnatural.
- Now is the time to travel. You’re young and you haven’t settled down yet.
I laugh because this one guy (who I admit prepared the cutest first date I have EVER had) also wasn’t Mr. Right but was the voice in my head about a month ago. My uncle in the Philippines passed away last month. When my mom told me the news, I heard this guy’s voice in my head tell me this advice and I told my mom, “we have to go to the Philippines.” I now (regrettably?) have the travel bug and would love to spend all my time being single and all my money on travelling and seeing the world.
- If you’re not going to date a guy for more than three dates and he’s a bad kisser, don’t waste your time trying to train him.
So I’ve met a couple bad kissers who did some weird things. I won’t go into much detail but it was really disappointing. Kissing is supposed to passionate and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. So when it doesn’t, it’s like a balloon deflating. Realistically, I knew they wouldn’t be the guy I was going to be serious with so I didn’t bother shaping his kissing into ways that I like.
- Dating can make you feel really good about yourself. You know, even if there isn’t going to be a second date. Or even a third date. Or maybe even a sixth date. Having someone text you and say “Good morning beautiful” or “I hope your day is wonderful” makes you feel good regardless of who it’s from. Getting dressed up for a date also has the same effect, even if it’s just for a cup of coffee.
- But it can also make you appreciate being on your own.
Trust me, I’ve learned a lot about what I like in a guy and what I’m not the biggest fan of. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone on several occasions. But I think the most important lesson I’ve learned is being on your own really isn’t that bad. When I haven’t been out meeting new people and sharing interests, I’ve been spending a lot of time growing as a person and discovering new hobbies for myself, working hard towards my future, and becoming the best possible version of myself. Until Mr. Right comes around, I’m perfectly content with keeping occupied with work, courses, and going on the occasional awkward coffee date.